I really had all the best intentions of starting this blog. I wanted to write all the time, a few times a week. It’s been a few weeks since I’ve written. When I’m happy I tend to get Writer’s Block. A lot has changed in me, and I officially have the “block”, so please bear with me.
After my new diagnosis of Bipolar II I started on a new medication. I honestly feel like it’s helping me so much. I don’t wake up every day thinking “Shit, another day.” Maybe it’s the meds, maybe it’s therapy, maybe it’s the new friends I’ve made going through this shit that have made that grey cloud continue to scoot over so I can see a little more sun.
I’ve had a few slips. I haven’t been sober the entire time. Wish I could say I have been but it’s been a stressful fucking few weeks. I have not gotten drunk. At most I had a drink and a half. So yeah, to some, I’ve failed. To a lot, I’ve failed. But to me….I cannot remember the last time I had 1.5 drinks and dumped the rest. Baby steps? I don’t know.
Something is changing though. I am changing. My parents have been my heroes. My friends and family have saved me. My brothers…..all of them have gotten me through this. My boys will know when they are old enough for me to have real conversations with them about this. I’ll sadly have to watch them and tell them how careful they have to be now too. I may have passed this down to them, and most likely.
I’ve been sleeping better. I actually fall asleep instead of passing out now. I’m learning I deserve to be happy without being a drunk. I haven’t been the best of a person in the past. But I’m trying OH so hard, and I think I might be getting better.
A few months ago I couldn’t picture my future. As morbid as this sounds, I just didn’t think I had one. Tonight, I look forward to my future. I see bright things ahead. That fucking cloud is finally moving out of the way, and I’m seeing the sun again.