July 4th. 2019

I’m not counting how many days I’m sober anymore. Seems like eventually it will just be a let down. May something, probably about 2 months now.

4th of July has always been one of my favorite holidays. Swim, tan, drink….and then drunk. I truly don’t know how to do this today. T.H. even said no one else will be drinking, but it literally has nothing to do with anyone else. It’s all me. All me.

I was supposed to work all day today and go to the party later for fireworks but something happened at the salon and I’m not able to get in today. So now I really have to go to the family party. I should want to be with my family on a holiday. Honestly all I want to do is stay in bed and watch my shows. I don’t want to bring the dog cause I think he’d be more comfortable at home with the fireworks going off.

I just want to be alone.

We’re going out of town this weekend. That’s another reason I was going to work all day today, to have some fun money. Now that fun money isn’t an option anymore.

I just feel like nothing ever works out right. Why can’t I just be normal and happy?

Sorry for the bitch fest so early. I just had to get it off my chest. I hope everyone has a great holiday and be safe. I won’t be drinking, but this girl here is gonna be tan as hell by Monday. 👙🌞

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