Teach me how to walk again…

I am such a baby. I know that. I am awful with physical pain and emotional pain. I promise you that’s why I got into every single addiction problem in my life, whether it was food, pills or alcohol. The tiniest hint of me being slightly uncomfortable and I needed to make that feeling go away, no matter what.

It’s weird, when you have your babies, or growing up, you remember all the big milestones. Rolling over, sitting up, walking, talking. Well, friends….here’s my proof of what a baby I am.

I’m don’t feel good. I’m sick, waaaah. I have the fifth migraine of my entire life. I’m being a big ole BABY.

I felt myself getting super crabby the last few days but it wasn’t until I woke up at 2am this morning with the feeling someone was sitting on me trying to squeeze my brains out of my ears like trying to pop a damn zit. I tossed around for an hour. Then I somehow from two rooms away caught a whiff of one of my teenage sons’ BO. Nope. Nopety nope, NOPE. I had to actually jump out of bed so fast I tripped on whatever was on the floor and *crawl* to the toilet. Puked for 5 minutes. Nothing to puke up…realized I haven’t eaten more than a few bites in the last 48 hours. This continues until 11:30am. I finally get the strength to put on pants, my glasses, and chapstick cause my lips are peeling now. I’m getting dehydrated.

Force a Gatorade, a handful of Pizza flavored Goldfish, and an anti-nausea pill down.

Guys…..here’s the milestone. I don’t remember how to deal with not feeling good. I don’t remember how to be sick! If I had a migraine or any other minor pains I could have a few drinks and made that the excuse. If I had a cold or cough, whiskey always helped it. So now, I am forced to feel the pain and how much “being uncomfortable” is.

Hate it. I know this is how normal people without addiction issues actually live. But here I literally feel like a baby that is learning how to walk or something. I don’t know to do this. TH and the kids are at a family party because I could barely walk down the stairs from the dizziness. What a comparison. “Be careful! Don’t fall down!”

I can’t “walk” yet. I’m working on it. But I’m still learning, and I don’t want to fall.

One thought on “Teach me how to walk again…

  1. Hope you’re feeling better! Being sick is the worst. I can’t take ibuprofen because of stomach stuff, and my first headache without it was the worst. But I felt so strong when I was able to get through it drug free. Hoping you’ll feel similarly.

    Liked by 1 person

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