Friends.

41 days since I was admitted into the hospital for pancreatitis, gastritis, and a bunch of other shit. I had so many directions to follow when they let me out.

*lots of fluids

*bland, low fat diet

*more fluids

*no alcohol

Ugh yuck. I’ve been trying. I’ve been trying SO hard to not drink. I slipped on Memorial Day with a few sips. Nothing since. Few puffs on some weed here and there but that won’t kill me the way that booze will. Trying to take the edge off with that instead of vodka or Xanax. It really does help, although TH has definitely pointed out that I’m spacey and probably frying my memory. I guess I’m in a lose/lose situation.

Something I’ve totally noticed being sober is all of my friendships. I have about 4 groups right off the top of my head that I can think of. Prior to getting sober…I just had friends. No groups; no differences.

1. My drunk friends. These are the friends that I have SO much fun with! The best. This does not mean that *they* are drunk. This means that I am, and these are the people I can call or text at 10pm, 12am, hell…2am and ask what they are doing and we meet up somewhere. And we have the BEST time. We laugh so hard it hurts. We cry from laughing and telling our old childhood stories. I think we might say goodnight? Maybe not. Maybe we blackout. Maybe they don’t, but I do.

2. The Helpers. I think I have one or two. And if they read this, they know who they are. It’s the ones that had fun with me, but watched me fall. They wanted to help me. They wanted to help me SO. MANY. TIMES…..no one could help me but me. I know that and I wish they did too. I know they feel bad they couldn’t fix me. We all had a ton of fun together. I did this on my own, guys. Please don’t EVER put guilt on yourself.

3. The One & Only Best Friend….girl, you know who you are. Ever since we met at my beauty school. If you only knew what you were getting into with this mess. My god, we have soooooo many stories and laughs. If I think about all the trouble we’ve gotten into together over the last 15 years I’ll die laughing. All the inside jokes (haven’t picked up the mail yet), the actual heartbreak. The tears. Thank you for never judging me even when you told me you didn’t think I had a problem, but knew there was. I love you forever, LM.

4. The new friends. Starting this blog has helped me and been more therapeutic to me than any counseling or doctors appointments. I’ve had strangers reach out to me and thank me for putting things into words that they can’t…wow!!! I will forever be thankful and I appreciate every single word you say to me. There’s also a few people there that I’ve been friends with since before I got sober. Now that I am, we’ve become so much closer. Please know, I couldn’t do this without you. Your friendship and support has literally gotten me through this crap. You know who you are.

I’m sorry it’s been a while before I posted. I’m getting back on it. Thanks for reading.

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