Talking to one of my friends earlier. She actually battles the same demons that I do. In fact, she’s about the ONLY person in the world that I’m 100% honest with about this. We’ve tried to quit before…together. We’ve bitched and moaned about this…together. We’ve even fought over this….together.
We’ve cried over it…together.
We were texting earlier today and I think I just said fuck it. I’m going to drink tonight. “I think I’m gonna fall off the wagon tonight and hurt my ass on the way down.”
It was weird. The same person that always was like, “Girl, I get it, me too..” told me No. she told me not to. She actually told me, “Call me or text me. Go to your blog. Just don’t drink.”
Not quite sure why this was so monumental. But when your drinking buddy; your ride or die friend that you know will never judge you….the one that battles this along side you, says “No.” it kinda hits you.
It hit me.
And thanks to her, even though she probably didn’t even know what she was doing….I’m not drinking tonight.
There’s a song out by Pink called “Happy”. The entire song screams at me. There’s one part specifically.
Seen every therapist, but I’m a cynical bitch
Don’t like to talk about my feelings
I take another sip, I swear it’s my last fix
‘Cause it’s easier than healing
I gotta figure out a way to heal, though. I’m trying. I guess I’m inching my way to getting better.
A month ago I would have said fuck it, I’ll start over on Monday. With my diet, with quitting drinking…with all of it.
Tonight, on a Friday night…..I don’t have to start over on Monday, because I am still going.